thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
