Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
