dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
