i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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