You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
