You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
