Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
