I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
