Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
