he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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