A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize