you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
