4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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