How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
