Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
