I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
