we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize