Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
