I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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