Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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