; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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