Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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