As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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