We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
