a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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