I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
