wat bout pragnant strippers??
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
