I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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