So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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