my phone needs a breathalizer
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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