how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
