i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
