Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
