smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
