My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
