It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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