I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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