I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
