toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
