He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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