The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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