saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
