Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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