so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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