I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
