if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
