Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
