I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
