She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
