I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
