Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
