He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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