Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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