so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
