So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
