Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
