Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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