you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
