wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
