She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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