Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
