Your face is a jimmy john
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
