Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
