That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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