The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
