Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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