So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
