Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
love makes seman taste better
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
