the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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