So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
