How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
