Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
