My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
