I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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