drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize