yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
