I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
