I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
