found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
