rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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