I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
