she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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