I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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