I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
