I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
