i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
